Coffee in Tea – Heresy!

Yet again missing the memo that coffee is evil, of the devil, and that probably if we liked it we’d drink it over tea, today’s DavidsTea offering is dubiously labelled Vanilla Cappuccino.

Once more with feeling, because apparently it has yet to sink in for the tea sommeliers involved, tea should not be combined with coffee! Sorry about that. We were moved to italics. The thing about coffee is that aside from tasting appalling, it drowns out whatever else is in the tea. Here, for instance, there’s supposed to be vanilla. Can’t taste the vanilla. There’s supposed to be tea in the mix too, not that you’d know it.

There’s a chance the German Rock Sugar could have salvaged this one. On the other hand, we refuse to commit that kind of heresy. Never mind we don’t like milky and sweet coffee Andy more than umilked, unsweetened coffee. It’s all so differently demonic!

(Sorry, sorry . But honestly, extreme punctuation feels warranted!!)

That’s two undrinkable black teas this month, which is a point of great sadness because we love discovering new ones. Mind you, we almost managed to swallow a mouthful, but almost is the operative word here. So take note. Nix the coffee and give us a nice, creamy earl grey or something , okay David? We have faith in you. Don’t disappoint. Anyway, this is supposed to be a TEA calendar!!!

The German calendar wasn’t this confused. The selection is Kaminfeuer, which we approximated into English as ‘campfire’ but the Internet says it’s more like a fireplace, but our German friend says is the fire inside the fireplace. She’s the native speaker so she wins this one, not least because her version makes more sense than naming tea after a piece of furniture. But we want it on record we were close. This whole German Tea thing is doing wonders for our working German vocab.

This is how to do tea. It’s a Rooibos base, but a very subtle one. There’s hibiscus blossoms in the blend, and when left to steep it turns the most glorious pink. There’s also cinnamon,apple pieces and almond. It’s a beautifully balanced tea. Funnily, no one was moved to include any coffee. Can’t think why…

As is tradition when the advent calendar botches tea, we’re trotting our an old favourite about how to make tea. It’s a great how-to manual that – and we can’t stress this enough – never once mentions coffee. Got that?

Lessons in Tea Making

Kenny Knight

When I first learnt to
Pour tea in Honicknowle

In those dark old days
Before central heating

Closed down open fireplaces
And lights went out in coal mines

And chimpanzees hadn’t yet
Made their debuts on television

And two sugars
Was the national average

And the teapot was the centre
Of the known universe

And the solar system
Wasn’t much on anyone’s mind

And the sun was this yellow
Thing that just warmed the air

And anthropology’s study
Of domestic history hadn’t

Quite reached the evolutionary
Breakthrough of the tea-bag

And the kettle was on
In the kitchen of number

Thirty two Chatsworth Gardens
Where my father after slurping

Another saucer dry would ask
In a smoke-frog voice for

Another cup of microcosm
While outside the universe blazed

Like a hundred towns
On a sky of smooth black lino

And my father with tobacco
Stained fingers would dunk biscuits

And in the process spill tiny drops
Of Ceylon and India

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